Values Are Not Words. They Are Sentences With A Word Attached

Valere (Latin): to be strong, to be worth, to be well.

Value (economic 14th century): the price or monetary worth of something.

Values (philosophy 19th century): deeply held beliefs.

Lessons From Leaders On Values

“The true test of character is whether you manage to stand by those values when the deck is stacked against you. If personality is how you respond on a typical day, character is how you show up on a hard day.”

Hidden Potential by Adam Grant.

The antidote to Fear of People’s Opinions has two dimensions: (1) to have deep love and care for others’ well-being … and (2) to act in alignment with one’s purpose, values, and goals. 

The First Rule of Mastery by Dr. Michael Gervais. 

“Our values are constantly reflected in the way we choose to behave.”

Mark Manson. 

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”

Rumi.

“If you stand for nothing, Burr, what do you fall for.”

Alexander Hamilton.

Values Are Not Words. They Are Sentences With A Word Attached.

Most people hear the word values and quietly switch off. It sounds corporate - the kind of thing you'd find painted on an office wall or buried in a slide deck. We say we care about values, but most of us would rather talk productivity hacks. Yet, values are not corporate. They’re personal. They’re not what you scribble down in a workshop and forget. They’re what you do, especially when no one’s watching.

They’re there when you choose to tell someone the truth, even if it hurts. They’re behind that rising feeling of frustration when someone flakes on you. They’re the reason you give your time, or your money, or your energy, to something that matters to you, without needing a reason. We don’t need to manufacture our values. We just need to notice them. Think about a time:

• You did something courageous, because you knew you had to even when you didn’t want to.

• You disagreed with someone because what they said was so fundamentally wrong that you couldn’t sit idly by.

• You told a friend the truth even when you knew it would hurt them.

• You can’t help but give money to the homeless man on the walk back to your train station after work.

• When things get comfortable, you can’t help but add a bit of jeopardy, risk, or change into the situation.

Chances are, one or two of these sentences will resonate with you. That’s because it is what you value. A value isn’t a word you scribble in a notebook during a workshop. It’s not what you post on LinkedIn or hang on an office wall. It’s not the five adjectives you hope people write about you in a leaving card.

You value what you spend your time doing. You value what you spend your time saying. You value what you spend your time thinking about. 

Do we get to choose our values? I’ll take you back to Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone. When Harry and his classmates arrive at Hogwarts, they are led into the grand banqueting hall and one-by-one, the first years sit on a rickety wooden stool, and an oversized wizard’s hat is placed on their head and a dialogue between the sentient hat and young Harry ensues. 

‘Not Slytherin, not Slytherin, not Slytherin…’ says Harry, desperate to avoid being placed in the progressively evil house of Slytherin. The Hat is drawn to all the dark things that have happened to Harry, his parents being killed by the dark wizard Lord Voldemort. As any good lead character, Harry has other ideas, he wants to be away from evil, and to be with the brave and courageous wizards sat in the red and gold of Gryffindor. In that moment, he chose his values. ‘Gryffindor!’ Roars the hat to everybody’s delight. He chose Courage over Cunning and Adventure over Ambition.

Much like Harry chose to not be Slytherin, we can find our values by defining what we are not. Warren Buffett’s partner, Charlie Munger, delivered a speech on how to guarantee misery:

First, be unreliable. Do not faithfully do what you have engaged to do. If you will only master this one habit, you will more than counterbalance the combined effect of all your virtues, howsoever great. If you like being distrusted and excluded from the best human contribution and company, this prescription is for you.

In Hiroshima, Japan, a cool city with an incredibly dark past, Liv and I found a beautiful little coffee shop in the rain. Since I’ve stopped drinking alcohol, coffee has become my daily ritual of a bloody good drink. I’ve switched up searching out surreal vineyards for coffee shops that serve world class flat whites.

We drop our umbrellas outside and get welcomed graciously by the server behind the counter. I see an older Japanese man drinking his flat white, and I can see the foam is done precisely. ‘Flat white please’. 

We sit down, the barista now weighing out the beans precisely on scales, the milk measured meticulously in a clean jug, the machine checked, the espresso pressed, and the milk poured. Another European couple walk in and order some coffees. We get our coffees after ten minutes and it is exactly as we expected. Precisely the same coffee as the guy before us. I savour it and watch as the barista performs the same rituals with the same precision at the same steady pace for the European couple. 

If they had company values pasted on the walls in that coffee shop (they don’t because it was a cool place and not at all corporate), it would say Customer Service: Delighting Every Customer in Exactly the Same Precise Way. Customer Service across a lot of Japan has a ritual and deep respect throughout. The ritual is important. The treatment of the customer is almost religious. Time does not always come into it. If you want a fast coffee in Japan, go to Starbucks. 

Because the truth is, you can’t live your values on a whiteboard, and you can’t understand them by staying inside, in your own head, your own comfort zone, or the echo chamber on your device. You can only live your values outdoors.

Values are a sentence with a word attached. Much like Charlie Munger, one of my core values is Reliability and I would define it as doing what you said you were going to do. Reliability means something to everyone. The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as consistently good in quality or performance; able to be trusted. It is similar, but certainly not the same as my definition. 

Yesterday evening, I had a conversation about values with my colleague Garreth. He talked about Integrity being one of his key values. His definition of Integrity, do what you said you were going to do. This is remarkable in how it is exactly the same as my definition of Reliability, one of my key values. How much more deeply can Garreth and I connect and understand each other, now that we know what it is we truly value. 

If you’ve read this far, you probably already know what you value, you just haven’t put it into words yet. That’s the point. Your values don’t need to be pinned on your LinkedIn bio or printed on your company t-shirt. They need to be lived. You’ll spot them in how you show up under pressure. You’ll hear them in how you speak to the people closest to you. And if you're brave, you’ll start to consciously take tough decisions with values in mind. Because the truth is, you can’t live your values on a whiteboard, and you can’t understand them by staying inside, in your own head, your own comfort zone, or the echo chamber on your device. You can only live your values outdoors.

Deepen Your Curiosity

My favourite learnings on strong values:

1. Hidden Potential by Adam Grant.

2. The First Rule of Mastery by Michael Gervais. 

3. Mark Manson’s Blog on personal values.

4. Poor Charlie’s Almanack by Charlie Munger.

What Is Your Wildest Dream?

Dream (Old English): joy, mirth, merriment. 

Dream (modern): A cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal.

Welt (Indo European root for Wild: 4500 BCE): woodland, untamed land.

Wild (modern): not domesticated or cultivated, uninhabited, emotionally intense, or enthusiastic.

Wildest Dream: a bold and aspirational ambition, sitting in the uninhabited part of your mind. In its purest form, it is unconstrained and deeply personal.

Lessons From Leaders

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

TE Lawrence.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.”

Henry Ford.

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

Steve Jobs.

What Is Your Wildest Dream?

What does wild mean? It means uninhabited, inhospitable, impassable, unknown. Wild. You can only be brave enough to get there when you are totally uninhabited by restricting thoughts, negative people, dreary circumstances of reality. In Thailand on our annual leadership retreat, we answered the question ‘what is your Wildest Dream?’ We answered the question in the sea with the rain falling on our shoulders. The preparation was critical.

We finished eating lunch an hour ago. I look around at everyone, seven good men at the table, all fully bought into the change process. I’m so excited for the next part. I want their lunch to go down and be digested properly. 

The rain starts, often that would be a hindrance to leadership development. Perfect. I stand everyone up and I just say, ‘to the beach’. ‘Will we get wet?’ Asks someone, ‘yes,’ I reply. We walk, with me speeding up, to the beach – it is just 20 metres. Down on the beach I gather everyone in a circle. I want to pump the blood up, get people moving. 

“The dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

TE Lawrence.

‘Max, give us an exercise to do.’ Max obliges and gets us to hold our arms horizontally, making the shape of a cross for one minute. Aching arms, ‘Patrick give us another exercise.’ We run on the spot doing high knees. Carter, Luke and Rami all give us push ups, squats and lunges. I’ve left Nate to last before me, he usually has a wild card. ‘Do roly-poly’s’ says Nate.

My eyes get wider as I see Nate doing one, getting covered in sand. I love it. It feels almost primal, childlike, and hilarious, watching everybody getting sand in their hair, down their back. It’s my turn. ‘I want everybody to jump in the sea, and I want you to grab the shoulders of someone opposite you in the sea and just shout! Shout and whoop in their faces!’ 

We get so primal, so wild, so unknown versus our usual environment. 

‘Come in close guys, get in the circle, let’s just float here in the sea.’ Everyone comes in, a bit tense from throwing themselves in the sea, but ultimately relaxed, a thousand kilometres away from sending emails. I say, ‘what is your wildest dream?’

‘What is your wildest dream?’ 

Your Wildest Dream. This question is best thought about after a deep period of reflection, a quick period of dopamine release, a total reset of our brain. The magic, the courage, the uninhibited dreams that flowed from my friends’ brains and came out of their mouths was wild. Creating solutions to humanity’s greatest challenges, building an independent architecture practice, creating an interactive documentary to change a million lives, taking a business franchise to Africa from Turkey. Wild. Crazy. Totally out there, yet in that moment, we all believed it, we all felt it, we all knew we had the courage, creativity and grit to achieve it. 

Your Wildest Dream is what sits in the rusty recesses of your mind. It is the tiny thought that you might have entertained once, but perhaps not shared with many people, if anyone. It’s that crazy thought that seems completely unachievable. It might be as crazy as flying to the moon, or as down to earth as living by the sea. We all have them. We all have excuses we tell ourselves that means we don’t entertain the thought. ‘I have a mortgage, I need to hold onto this job, I don’t know what will happen, the other candidates are more qualified than me.’ 

It is the tiny thought that you might have entertained once, but perhaps not shared with many people, if anyone.

I just finished reading Chasing Daylight by Eugene O’Kelly, the CEO of KPMG who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at 53. He quit his job right away and lived out his final 90 days with the positive intention with which he led his company. “After I was diagnosed, I came to consider consciousness king among virtues. I began to feel that everyone’s first responsibility was to be as conscious as possible all the time.”

Creating a Wildest Dream doesn’t mean fanciful living in the future. It means stopping to reflect, to think, ‘where do I want to go,’ because only then can we know and be truly conscious that the steps we take today, and tomorrow are in that direction. 

Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s time to go back to that thought you once dismissed, the one that felt too bold, too uncertain, too ‘not me.’ Maybe it’s time to entertain the possibility that it’s not crazy – it’s just unclaimed.

Deepen Your Curiosity

My favourite learnings on finding your wildest dream:

1. Chasing Daylight by Eugene O’Kelly.

2. Podcast - What your dreams are trying to tell you about your waking life with Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Dr Rahul Jandial.

3. The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo.

4. Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson.